"Don't touch that (101st combat patch), or you'll turn into a pillar of salt"

Familial Leadership

"I am my family's Barack Obama"

"There ain't no EO in that complaint!"

"Now I've gotta go play Paddy Cake with Chopsticks!"

This is MAJ Smith's mortal enemy.... Hassan the Lego Terrorist

"I've come up with a small philosophy, if you're a Captain who's had command time and you're not married....then you're probably fucking gay."

(Smith family ideal Christmas house and far above is the Smith's themselves)

My family are Christmas fiends!!!! Cause of me

Big Will is like a shaved cat!

Blast from the past

This was taken by Geraldo Rivera while MAJ Smith was single handedly invading and overthrowing the former regime of Saddam Hussein. Unfortunately, for his actions, he was only awarded the Silver Star....the Donkey, who was KIA, was awarded a posthumous MoH

Chivalry is not dead

"When are you girls going to decorate the office?"

This is what happens to ones couth when being a baddass Infantry officer for years and working in a chauvinist society while never working around actual women other than your own wife.....ah, the male chauvinist is alive and well

Mmmm, Buttermilk

"The whole S4 is buttermilk!"

Higher HQ

"Its like dealing with retarded neighbors!"

FRESHMAN!!!!!!!!!

In harkening back to his days at the University of Akron...the mighty Zips, MAJ Smith likes to harrass folks in the office and treat them like wee freshmen. Ah, college humor...

To the combatives guru:

"I'm a Combatives Level BAD ASS!"

To everyone:

"I'm every F students idol, because I made it this far!

To his assistant:

I'm your Yoda, BITCH!

Welcome!

Welcome to Shit Major Smith Says.

Here we will profile the hilarious and slightly off the wall and retarded things that our boss, the mighty war hero, MAJ Smith says throughout our days working with him.

Just for everyones general information, MAJ Smith is a Silver Star recipient, former Army Cook and all around Ninja.